Oh The People You Will Meet

Hey Y'all. So I've been waiting to post this because of internet struggles but here's my two cents from my travel day a couple days ago. I've had the opportunity to reunite and sing with some of my favorite people this week but this interaction really set the stage for an amazing week :)

I woke up this morning, at 4:30 nonetheless, thinking that it I was just going to have another travel day. Another wait in the airport. Another ginger ale. Another bag of peanuts. My first plane experience happened in the third grade. I was so excited I could barely stand it. After the last 3 years of my life, getting on a plane has lost its "Christmas morning" feeling. Sure, I still get excited about the places I go but after multiple 36 hour travel days, 11 hour flights, and layovers that are five hours too long, plane rides have sort of lost their shine. After two years at Azusa, flights to California have become like a drive to Bellingham, piece of cake right?

I have heard so many friends and family members talk to me about the people they meet on airplanes. There are the horribly inconsiderate people that leave you squished against the window with no arm rest, and no leg room due to their oversized "personal" carry on item. There are those poor souls that venture into the abyss and bring an infant on the plane. I feel so bad for these people. It's really not their fault that their baby is screaming their head off but you still want to shove them AND the baby into the overhead compartment in order to shut them up. There are those that somehow are given the gift (or the drugs) to being able to sleep the entire flight away. Some are quiet, some are preoccupied with work or their friends. You would think that with all the flights I have been on I would have many good conversations with interesting people, but I haven't. Until today.

Now, in defense of every person I've ever sat on on a plane, I don't fault you. It's totally my fault. I don't exactly present myself as an approachable person that someone would want to strike up a conversation with when I travel (or even when I'm not traveling I guess). It's hard to crack my shell! Today, after saying a beautiful but emotional goodbye to my parents, I got on the small plane that would take me to Portland and eventually on to California. I looked at my boarding pass and my seat number was 9A. Huzzah, a window seat, or so I thought. I got to the ninth row and there was an older woman sitting in my seat. I seriously considered saying something and claiming my rightful seat but in my head I just said "meh" and sat down. I had my headphones around my neck and was planning on putting them on and getting lost in some music or maybe falling asleep but then I heard a voice say, "I'm so tired." Yeah, lady we all are. But,  I decided to engage. I responded, "yeah, getting out of bed this morning was a real struggle." She laughed and started talking to me about her vacation that she was embarking on. She is 67 years old. Her longtime friend and roommate from college had called her and told her that she needed a vacation. So her and her two friends from college were headed down to Mexico for some much needed R&R. Boy, do I hope I get to do this someday. She told me about her family, her daughters and her grandchildren and her husband that had passed away. She told me about her mission work in the Philippines and we bonded over our mutual love for choral singing and choral music. She told me about her husband's illness and how, even through his illness, he wanted to do ministry so they would go together to Costco (if it was the Bellingham one, the Lord has a special place in heaven for her) or Fred Meyer and get in the longest line that they could find and start conversations with the people in front of them. They just couldn't live without doing some sort of work for the Lord. She told me about her daughters struggles with men and how difficult it is to find a selfless, giving, Christian husband these days. She started telling me a story from her young adulthood and immediately I started laughing in my head. This woman's life sounds like mine. The more the story progressed the more I realized that the things she had been through in her life were a mirror image of the circumstances in my life.  Me, being me, took the story and applied it to my life, even before she finished and I got so excited because I thought I knew exactly how her story was going to end and it was going to give me so much hope for me, but it didn't end the way I hoped. What I got was perspective. I felt so guilty knowing that the same feelings and pain she had been through was something that I could have possibly given to others. I didn't like this story. There was forgiveness and she found the world's happiness, but it wasn't the way I thought, or the way she thought I suspected. She had to wrestle with God, and wrestle with her own anger. She had to apologize to those she never thought she should ever have to answer to for actions that seemed only natural. 

As she basically spoke my own life to me I started to cry, right there on the plane with a woman who didn't even know my name. She looked at me and said "I knew the second you sat down, the look on your face, that you have things." She was right of course. She told me that as she was leaving for this trip she was talking to Grant Fishbook, her pastor at Christ the King in Bellingham, and she told him, I'm going to sit next to someone and share because I feel like God is going to use what I have to say. Again, she was right. after she told me her story she started talking about life's circumstances. I learned many things. 

I realized that all my life I have sat and waited for God to do something amazing with my life. I still don't doubt he will, but like I did with this story, I have always jumped to conclusions. I think I have what God is doing figured out and I get over excited only to have my hopes dashed. This leaves me with questions. As I got on the plane this morning I was listening to Steven Curtis Chapman's song "Questions". The first verse of this song says "Who are you God? For you are turning out to be so much different than I imagined. And where are you God? For I'm finding life to be so much harder than I planned." I think the hardest thing about the things I've been through are not the circumstances in themselves. People go through these things all the time. I'm not unique and these situations really aren't the end of the world. The hardest part is that I have built up such an expectation for myself, the people around me, and the things I do, that when it all goes to shit, I'm left standing there baffled to try and pick up my the pieces. I have such a big heart and when it gets broken my whole world is rocked. What I don't realize is that the Lord is so much different than what I try to make him, and I'm a whole lot different than who I think I am. I'm still figuring out myself and I learn new things every day. I came to the realization that I need to find the deepest part of me. I have the surface sure figured out. I know my brain like the back of my hand, how I think, how I reason. But do I really know? Or have I stereotyped myself just like I do everyone else. Do I really know the deepest part of myself? The insecurities I have, the longings I have, the things I believe in, where my actions come from? And infinitely more important, I have realized that I need to send myself on a journey to the deepest part of God. I know the surface. I know the stories. I know more than the stories. I have a relationship. I know my faith is moving and real. But the thing I can't figure out is if I know my God. The answer of course is no and as Christians if God is what he says he is, we will NEVER find the deepest part of God. The deepest part of his love, the deepest part of his justice, the deepest part of his compassion and grace. All along I know that my deepest part is calling out to His because His deepest part is the only place that can fully contain mine. This body can't contain or sort out my deepest longings. But He can. 

A few songs later on Mr. Chapman's album a chorus says "He knows the way to wherever you are. He knows the way to the depths of your heart. He knows the way cuz he's already been to where you're going. Jesus will meet you where you are." Jesus has been to the depths of me and back again. He's been there and taken notes and, throughout my life, he has and will continue to meet me where I am in to see that my paths are directed to the deepest part of myself and more importantly the deepest part of Him. 

I left this flight with so much hope. So much hope for my puny circumstances that I glorify in my head. So much hope for my next 4 months. So much hope for the journey I am on, and so much hope for the places I am going and the people I will meet. The Lord knew I needed a good dose of hope to kick start my travels and that dose came in the form of Sally Stump. Thank you Sally, who knew your lack of sleep would start such a wonderful conversation.