Bittersweet

I've been keeping a journal of highs and lows of every day that I'm here in Africa. Along with a my roses and thorns, each day I try to write something that I think God showed me about himself through that day and the challenges and joys it brought. Today, what I learned was too good to keep locked in a journal that only I will ever see. I have been blessed to be a part of a D group through this semester. Our D group focus is on De-briefing on things we experience here and what we learn as we come face to face with suffering and joy. Today one of our leaders sent out this quote as a taste about our subject matter for this evening. Everything about this quote speaks life into my life. If you've read my first blog post, you'll find that this relates almost directly to my destruction of home and comfortability. It comes from a book called Bittersweet that is now on my reading list for sure.

"This is what I've come to believe about change: it's good, in the way that childbirth is good, and heartbreak is good, and failure is good. By that I mean that it's incredibly painful, exponentially more so if you fight it, and also that it has the potential to open you up, to open life up, to deliver you right into the palm of God's hand, which is where you wanted to be all along, except that you were too busy pushing and pulling your life into exactly what you thought it should be. I've learned the hard way that change is one of God's greatest gifts, and most useful tools. Change can push us, pull us, rebuke and remake us. It can show us who we've become, in the worst ways, and also in the best ways. I've learned that it's not something to run away from, as though we could, and that in many cases, change is a function of God's graciousness, not life's cruelty."

I thoroughly believe that this quote pretty much speaks for itself but I do have a few little tidbits. I have tried to fight change all my life. I really do believe that this fight is what has made change so difficult for me to cope with. But, the woman who wrote this quote hit the nail on the head when she said that change has the potential to open you up, and to open life up. Change in my life has opened up my life. It's opened up myself. It's opened the possibilities of what life could be like up to me. When I think back on my life even at (almost) 21, I think about all the amazing things that I've been able to do. I realized that all of these things involved a change. My switch to drama in high school involved a huge change of friends and time spent and it turned out to be my some of my best memories of high school. My change from Lynden to Azusa involved a giant change of scenery and community. Kristi's and my decision to go to Europe included a change into a more global mindset that has forever altered the way we process. My change into an approachable human being (still in progress) has required a whole lot of effort on my part.  My decision to do Chamber last year involved a change of original plans, but this turned into one if not THE best experience I have had in college yet. This semester and my decision to come here required me to make a big decision about changing my friends, changing myself, and changing my outlook on life. Everything good that I've done and anything good that I have become has been a result of change and I am so much better for it. I've taken risks, tried and failed, gained and lost, loved and been devastated. All this change has dropped me on my knees at Jesus' feet and he's taken me into his hand which is where I want to be and want to live forever. I realized that change has brought me some of my best experiences, some of my best qualities, and ultimately some of God's greatest blessings. Change has also weeded out some of my biggest flaws and drudged up my past in ways that have been more painful than I can bear at times. It's like a garden. I've weeded these things out but sometimes I weed them out only to replant them and let them take root in me again. Instead of replanting them, I need to cut the roots off so they have no means to grow and throw them back on the garden. I can't take them away because they are a part of who I am but my flaws and my past can be used for such a greater purpose than polluting the garden of fruit that the Lord is trying to grow in me. They can be used as compost, to re-nourish the ground so that the right kinds of fruit will grow out of them.

God is gracious. I cannot escape change. But if change will let me explore all that I am and all that I can be, I don't think I want to escape. Even though I hate it at times, change will continue to take me away which is where I feel most comfortable.

Remember Why You Came Here.

Today was literally the best day ever and I will tell you why. Today was our first field trip for our Biology class and wow was it exciting! We left AE after tea time and drove about 45 minutes to a conservation site in the Pietermaritzburg area. Caryn, our teacher sat us down to explain the "must knows" of our day in the reserve. She then told us what to do if a deadly snake bites us. In her words "Stay away from snakes, even if they are not poisonous it's better to be alive and wrong than dead." hmmm comforting. She then told us what to do if we are cornered by a large cat. As the icing on the cake we found out that climbing a tree will only help if you are being charged by a buffalo. We were all looking at each other like.. is this girl for real? Now we are all a little apprehensive as to our choice to enroll in this class if these are "the basics". In Caryn's defense she did tell us that it was highly unlikely but I think even the suggestion of such things was enough to widen our eyes. Our first assignment when we got there? Climb a tree. I am definitely okay with this class from now on. So I climbed said tree, saw nature from a new vantage point, and got back down. Next assignment: Pick as many different species of grass that you can. This turned into an adventure down to a waterfall which I was more than okay with. 

After tasting aloe (don't do it its disgusting and it tastes like that stuff you put on your nails to get rid of a biting habit) we were dropped off on the edge of a cliff to have some quiet time. 30 min alone with African nature in your sight. I was so blessed by this time. I got to worship, write, read, and pray for 30 minutes alone with my God. It's been so difficult to be alone the past week simply because there are so many fun things to do. These things aren't wrong but what really hit me was what Caryn said to us after. We are sitting under a tree as a class and she says, "Do you know that each one of you came here for a purpose?" That hit me. I have not doubted that God has put me in South Africa for a purpose but hearing one of my professors say it so clearly was incredible. She then went on to tell us that we are going to get busy (check) and we are going to forget what quiet time feels like. We are going to be running on empty and then try to give more of ourselves and that just won't work. Caryn reminded all of us to remember why we came here. Even when we are up to our noses in books and assignments because we are trying to do 15 weeks of school in 6. Even when we are trying to decide which hike to go on, which group to join, and what things to plan. We can't forget to stay quiet with God so he can speak. The thing I like about Caryn is how she does faith integration. Instead of asking us to write a 2 page reflection on how God fits into the class we are taking, Caryn started out the class telling us about faith integration herself. Then, she backed it up today. Caryn's version of faith integration was faith action. It was putting into action the fact that God and biology fit perfectly. They don't contradict. Faith integration is not an add on at the end of the semester. It's not trying to use a Gsus chord as faith integration ;) It's something that permeates the entire class and I think the speech from Caryn was asking us to keep her accountable. I felt like she was asking us to remind her when the class gets hard and we might possibly be failing, that we are here for a much bigger purpose. 

After this, we walked up the hill to play some games. "Games" in South Africa are much different. It turns out games included seeing how far you can SPIT a piece of impala poop. Yep.. I stuck THAT in my mouth. And almost won too! If it weren't for the one boy in the class. Dumb boys. I swear you are all born with the innate ability to be gross. Whoops. Then we played a lovely game of river land which is sort of like Simon says and finally as we walked up the hill we played a game of camouflage a high speed version of hide and seek. 

Now here's the best part. As we continued walking we ran into two giraffe. For those of you who may not know, I am obsessed with giraffe. They are by far my favorite animals. I don't know if I can put into words how excited I was to see these two little guys. They were far from little but they were majestic. I wish that I could have sat there all day and just looked at them to see their blue tongues and watch them interact. I cried. Giraffe were the one thing I knew I HAD to see in Africa and I saw them in the first week. How cool is that? As we were walking back to the bus I got to thinking about why I like giraffe so much. Aside from them being incredibly beautiful and having blue tongues which is awesome I wasn't so sure. I have always heard that "giraffe have the biggest heart" which sounded so cheesy to me but today I realized that is why I like them so much. Giraffe have the biggest heart because their heart has to pump their blood through their whole body all the way to their head and their brain. It must be powerful! I realized today that I want to be like a giraffe and sometimes I am which can be a good thing or a bad thing. I want my heart to be so big because I have so many places that I would like to pump the life and love that I have out to, but this also makes me gangly and clumsy like giraffe are often seen.  I make mistakes, I fall, I pump too much blood to one spot and it gets an ache. I know this about myself. But I HOPE that someday someone will look at me and see the big heart that I have and find it endearing and not exhausting. 

There's my two cents for the day :) Another amazing day in Africa. This place is stealing my heart :)

Peace, Blessings, Love

Kendra

Am I a Blogger Yet?

Sanibonani from Africa!

Well, welcome to you all! I feel sort of bad because this is what.. my 4th post on this blog? And this is the first one that will serve the purpose of an update. Not because the other stuff I have had to say hasn't been extremely riveting and of utmost importance, but I guess I have cut to the chase. 

So. It's been an extremely long three days. The only word that comes to mind is whirlwind. That's what this has been. Frick me. The amount of information, visual, aural, sensual, tastical ;) that I have been given in the last days has been out of this world. The travel time to this beautiful place was simultaneously the best and the worst travel experience I have had so far. After a week in Azusa staying up late, singing way too much, and not taking care of my body, I left Tuesday night sicker than a dog. I got on that plane and for the next 36 hours I was coughing, sneezing, and crying (due to the pressure in my ears during the 5 different take offs and landings that we did) That sounds pretty bad, but I guess the best part was that it helped me sleep literally almost the entire time. I watched two movies and the rest of the time I slept on and off. As far as meeting people, it's been a bit of a struggle. I swear people here think I'm a space cadet because when I WASN'T sleeping, I was staring off into the distance, usually someone else was in that distance somewhere which probably caused a lot of questions. Why is this creepy blonde girl staring at me? And why does she look so angry?

But I made it! I'm in Africa. It feels so weird but so amazing to finally be here. I've been dreaming about this experience literally for 3 years and study abroad for much longer. We arrived in Johannesburg (the locals call it Jo-burg) in the evening. We've all noticed that the days are much shorter in this hemisphere. It's spring right now so I'm guessing they'll get longer? We had a short drive to our hotel for the night. All of us passed out after a chicken dinner. The next day we awoke to a tour of Soweto (getting its name from SOuth WEstern TOwnship). This is where a lot of the uprisings leading to the abolition of the apartheid government took place. This place is unique to any place I've ever been. I've seen contrast in cities before but not like this. On one side of the street there would be million dollar homes with huge rock walls and security systems. Cross the street and you have shacks with roofs held down by toilets. We ate lunch at a cute little buffet on a side street. After the meal the bus pulls away from the door and these guys show up! 

We got an awesome traditional African dance performance! After leaving Soweto we headed back to the airport for our flight to Durban. Upon arrival we were ushered into another van for an hour and 15 min drive to our home on the African Enterprise in Pietermaritzburg. We had a late dinner and got settled in to our new rooms. I have the pleasure of living with Laura Tice. The cutest nursing major you will ever meet. She likes Tangled, thinks Sleeping Beauty is lame, and we both agree Snow White needs a new haircut and a less annoying voice. I think we will be fine on all other issues. I got my room set up and made into a home :) Here's my side of the room!

It feels like home :) 

After last night we had a full day of orientation today, including tea time. We got to hear about all the amazing things we get to do and see this semester. I don't wanna spoil any of the fun so I'll just wait and update as we go. It'll be more fun that way anyway. Then we got our books.. Literally the worst. I totally forgot that we actually had to study here. Our semester is squished into 6 weeks making it VERY intense. If you're on Instagram you saw my HUGE stack of books that I'll be reading this semester. LOVE YOU APU. I guess it makes it slightly better that I can read these books in a tree, or next to this.

Yeah thats real. 

We had our first trip to the Liberty Mall to get supplies and our first exploration of the nature reserve. Our first zebra sighting. We discovered Rugby. I decided that I am okay with Rugby. There are a bunch of attractive, very fit, young men running around and they DON'T have pads or helmets to cover up their beauty. I'm a fan. Go Sharks?

I'm having an amazing time here so far. God is so good to me. Today Reg said that his country and this continent has the tendency to pull at people's heart strings and to change them forever. I know this is already happening so I can't imagine what I'm going to be like at the end of this. Today my reminder came from Jesus Calling. Today's devotion reminded me that the Lord delights in me. He delights in who I am and nothing especially not guilt can condemn me for I am clothed in him. I know I need to start to shed myself including my guilt in order for people to see the real me. I cannot punish myself for my past. I can only revel in the present and hope for the future. 

Sharp Sharp!

Kendy

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

I figured that since my last post had to do with the people I meet, I should follow with the places I will go. I've read this poem many times in the last 10 days and even 3 times just before I decided to post it. This poem holds so much significance to me. I read every line and I find meaning in each one no matter the rhyme. If you know me, I think you'll read it too and see the story of my life. And now, today is my day. I'm off to places. Places that I've dreamt of going before I knew where I wanted to go. I'm on my own. And I'm afraid. But I'm done living in the waiting place. I'm done waiting. I'm going. In fact, I'm gone.  

Oh, the Places You'll Go!

by Dr. Seuss

Congratulations!
Today is your day.
You're off to Great Places!
You're off and away!

You have brains in your head.
You have feet in your shoes
You can steer yourself
any direction you choose.
You're on your own.  And you know what you know.
And YOU are the guy who'll decide where to go.

You'll look up and down streets.  Look 'em over with care.
About some you will say, "I don't choose to go there."
With your head full of brains and your shoes full of feet,
you're too smart to go down any not-so-good street.

And you may not find any
you'll want to go down.
In that case, of course,
you'll head straight out of town.

It's opener there
in the wide open air.

Out there things can happen
and frequently do
to people as brainy
and footsy as you.

And when things start to happen,
don't worry.  Don't stew.
Just go right along.
You'll start happening too.

OH!
THE PLACES YOU'LL GO!

You'll be on your way up!
You'll be seeing great sights!
You'll join the high fliers
who soar to high heights.

You won't lag behind, because you'll have the speed.
You'll pass the whole gang and you'll soon take the lead.
Wherever you fly, you'll be the best of the best.
Wherever you go, you will top all the rest.

Except when you don't
Because, sometimes, you won't.

I'm sorry to say so
but, sadly, it's true
and Hang-ups
can happen to you.

You can get all hung up
in a prickle-ly perch.
And your gang will fly on.
You'll be left in a Lurch.

You'll come down from the Lurch
with an unpleasant bump.
And the chances are, then,
that you'll be in a Slump.

And when you're in a Slump,
you're not in for much fun.
Un-slumping yourself
is not easily done.

You will come to a place where the streets are not marked.
Some windows are lighted.  But mostly they're darked.
A place you could sprain both your elbow and chin!
Do you dare to stay out?  Do you dare to go in?
How much can you lose? How much can you win?

And IF you go in, should you turn left or right...
or right-and-three-quarters? Or, maybe, not quite?
Or go around back and sneak in from behind?
Simple it's not, I'm afraid you will find,
for a mind-maker-upper to make up his mind.

You can get so confused
that you'll start in to race
down long wiggled roads at a break-necking pace
and grind on for miles across weirdish wild space,
headed, I fear, toward a most useless place.
The Waiting Place...

...for people just waiting.
Waiting for a train to go
or a bus to come, or a plane to go
or the mail to come, or the rain to go
or the phone to ring, or the snow to snow
or waiting around for a Yes or a No
or waiting for their hair to grow.
Everyone is just waiting.

Waiting for the fish to bite
or waiting for wind to fly a kite
or waiting around for Friday night
or waiting, perhaps, for their Uncle Jake
or a pot to boil, or a Better Break
or a string of pearls, or a pair of pants
or a wig with curls, or Another Chance.
Everyone is just waiting.

NO!
That's not for you!

Somehow you'll escape
all that waiting and staying.
You'll find the bright places
where Boom Bands are playing.

With banner flip-flapping,
once more you'll ride high!
Ready for anything under the sky.
Ready because you're that kind of a guy!

Oh, the places you'll go! There is fun to be done!
There are points to be scored.  there are games to be won.
And the magical things you can do with that ball
will make you the winning-est winner of all.
Fame!  You'll be famous as famous can be,
with the whole wide world watching you win on TV.

Except when they don't.
Because, sometimes, they won't.

I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.

All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something
you'll be quite a lot.

And when you're alone, there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon,
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.

But on you will go
though the weather be foul
On you will go
though your enemies prowl
On you will go
though the Hakken-Kraks howl
Onward up many
a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore
and your sneakers may leak.

On and on you will hike
and I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.

You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up
with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So...get on your way!