6 Weeks Have Never Gone Faster

It's Sunday night, the end of six weeks here in South Africa. The last six weeks have definitely been a roller coaster. I think I came into this experience knowing that it was going to go fast but I don't think I was near prepared for what's happening. I literally go to bed each night sad because another day is gone but happy for all that I am blessed with. The six weeks of school went so fast. Although they were literally ridiculous at times between reading, papers, tests, and procrastination, somehow sitting at the end having taken my finals and ready to move into the next stage of my journey it feels like it was just yesterday that received that huge stack of books. Just some highlights in the last couple of weeks: A beach trip to Durban and a dip in the Indian Ocean. The homecoming dance. I don't think any of you can understand the amount of crazy that 50 people can create with tribal paint and some good music. A hike through the Drakensburg mountains. Zip lining through the South African Karkloof forest canopy. The Drakensburg Boys Choir. I don't know how those boys do it. Finals week got to us and our study break consisted in sliding down the hill covered in soap in 50 degree pouring rain at 11 at night. FINALS DONE. All I have left is a paper :) PRAISE.

Anyway, my next adventure starts tomorrow. We begin service sites.  I'll be working at an organization called Walk in the Light with an amazing group of people that I am so excited to serve with! In our chapel on Friday we had the opportunity to journal and reflect, or I guess you could say pre-flect ;) on the experience that we are about to enter into. I guess I wanted to share some of my pre-flections.

1. What are your expectations for service sites and what do you hope to happen?

I think I am expecting to be challenged in every aspect. Physically, emotionally, spiritually. I'm expecting to make relationships and see things that are hard to see but that will ultimately shape more of my worldview. I'm expecting to serve and be healed through that. I'm hoping to come out a different person than I am now. I want to experience love. God's love for his people, and his love for me. I want to step out of my boat and be taken places I've never been with God.

2. What are your fears and anxieties about service sites?

My biggest fear is that I won't be effective. That I won't take full advantage of this opportunity and that I will shut myself off to God and his work because of fear. 

3. What do you expect to get/what do you expect the people you are serving to get out of this experience. 

I expect to get a better worldview and a new set of eyes that ultimately will change the eyes of my heart as well. I want to have better eyes to see those in needs and I want to have a passion to go. That word go is always on my heart and I expect to explore that. I would hope that they would get my friendship and with the help of the Holy Spirit, a call on their life and that they would know the love of their father.

4. Is there anything that you need to lay aside?

My old self. I need to make way for who I am in Christ

My anger

My fear

My comfort

Most importantly, MY EXPECTATIONS.

I think that last one was the thing that hit me the most. I looked at all I had written and realized that although all of it had good intentions, I need to lay it aside in order to be effective. In order to accomplish ANYTHING, I have to lay down EVERYTHING at the feet of Jesus and ask him to use me. In my quiet time I wrote this poem sort of thing that I wanted to share because it's a question I ask myself almost every day. 

Am I enough?

Am I brave enough to fall?

Do I love enough to leave?

Do I have enough to be content with nothing?

Is my faith enough to move my mountains?

Am I free enough to shackle myself to eternity?

Do I trust enough to step out of my boat?

Am I humble enough to lead?

Am I enough to go?

Am I enough to serve?

Is my brokenness enough to heal someone else's?

Am I known enough to be loved?

Do I wonder enough to doubt?

Am I secure enough to change?

But most importantly am I wise enough to know that the answer to all of this is no?

And can I ever be thankful enough that even though I will never be enough, there is One who is?

I'm so excited for this next section of my time in South Africa. I fall in love with this country, the people in it, and the people that I came with more and more every day. I could not ask for a better opportunity and I cherish each day and each moment knowing that it won't last forever.