La Próxima Aventura.
And there it is. It's so hard to believe that more than two months have already come and gone since my return from South Africa. And yet, I find myself thinking "I can't believe that it's only been two months." People have asked me how I'm doing being back and how I'm reorienting myself with Gross family, APU, and American cultures in general. I won't say that it's been the hardest thing I have been through, but that in itself has been one of the most difficult things to come to grips with. How could it be this easy to just jump right back into life? How can I be going back to living my life without all the people I met and got close to in South Africa? But then again, why is it so hard to deal with my schedule? Why am I so stressed about my 16 units? Why are there never enough hours in a day to debrief with myself or with anyone else for that matter? My life right now is full of "yes but no" which is frustrating. Yes, it's good to be back to some sense of normalcy, no i'm not exactly orientated to that normalcy. Yes, I miss South Africa every day, but no, I don't feel like I'm out of place where I am. Yes, it was easy to catch back up with my friends, but no I am not the same person anymore and that presents some challenges.
As crazy as it is to say out loud though, I'm on to the next adventure! I'm both excited and nervous for this next one because of the fact that I haven't quite fully recovered from my semester in South Africa, but hey, maybe it's best to just jump back in to the saddle of a different culture and start going again. I think that might be necessary for me so that I don't elevate my South Africa experience or romanticize it to some "camp high". The biggest thing that God has taught me in all my travel is that he is there and he is present WHEREVER I go. God didn't show up and "fix me" because I was in South Africa. He set me free from myself where he found me vulnerable and ready to hear what he had to say. That could have been jumping off the bridge in South Africa or it could have been drinking a cup of coffee in my living room. Travel is not supposed to be some camp experience. The Lord commanded us to experience the world that he created. That is part of our call as Christians. Travel is such a blessing and a wonderful experience but what it is not supposed to be romanticized into some fantasy where the world is a Mary-Kate and Ashley movie. Travel is hard. It makes you realize things about yourself and the world around you that are hard to ignore in your everyday life.
My next "aventura" is about to start. I'm so excited that I get to spend six blessed days in PARAGUAY, SOUTH AMERICA! When I tell people what my plans are for Spring Break 2014 they look at me like I am crazy and say that Paraguay is pretty much the most random response for "where are you going for the break?" This trip has been one of the biggest surprises of 2014. I will be spending the week with Judah Mooney and his family in Asuncion, Paraguay. He and his family are missionaries from Faith Community Church in Lynden. I have been in contact with Judah for the last 6 or 7 months discussing the possibility of getting APU students/musicians to Paraguay to do some sort of music ministry there. In order to make that happen, I was looking at doing a scouting trip this Spring. After loosing touch over Christmas break, I had resolved that the Lord just did not have it in the cards for me to take on this adventure this year. Welp... the Lord said "don't you try and tell me what I have for you" and I got an email the next day getting the ball rolling again for the possibility of going over Spring Break. I made a deal with God (not always the best idea) saying "Okay Lord, if the tickets are even a dollar over this amount, I am not going." After looking at tickets that were WELL below my deal breaker amount and I had nothing else to do but book the ticket 24 hours after getting the email.
Since January, the idea of me going to Paraguay hasn't seemed real. Even this week, with all the craziness that I had at APU, it still didn't seem real which made me anxious. So many thoughts went through my head. "You're not ready." "Your heart is not right." "You're not going to make a difference there, you have no itinerary, no one going with you, and nothing to offer these people." "You've run yourself dry in the busy-ness of school and work and choir." "Do you really think God wanted you to go? Or was that just another case of your wanderlust." "What if God doesn't have a purpose for you going?" All of these things just started to get my heart pumping and my mind wandering. I firmly believe the enemy is in full attack mode this week in regards to this trip. He wants these thoughts to take root in my heart and choke out the parts of me that know that there is a divine purpose in this trip. He wants to choke out the part of me that can't help but feel that this trip will be a defining moment in my life. Even if its just the fact that the Lord said go and I did my best to be obedient. I want to be a slave to the Lord, I want to trust him when he says go, and trust that not only will he provide a way for me to get there, but that he will give me turn by turn navigation through the process.
Today I sang the words to an Israel Houghton song called You Hold My World in Your Hands. The words touched me so deeply.
Take my heart
Lord, will you take my heart?
As I surrender to your will
I confess you are my righteousness
Until you move me
I'll be still, and know that you are God
You hold my world in your hands
I am amazed at your love, I am amazed that you love me
You hold my world in your hands
I'm not afraid, my world is safe in your hands
You won't let go of me
You will take care of me
I really like the line at the end of the verse that says "Until you move me, I'll be still."
So often I try and make things happen on my own. I think for the six months before January I wanted this trip to happen so badly for myself. I was held captive by my own will to do something important. It wasn't until I had decided to be still, surrender the trip, and not go, that the Lord decided to move me. As I go into this week, I want to surrender my will, my plans, my suitcase.... (I am really trying to carry on and any of you that know me or maybe read my blog about packing would know this is a big stretch), and my heart to the will of God. I want to trust that he WILL be my righteousness and take my life and my time there and mold it to his will.
So, if you're thinking about it. Shoot a prayer up at 11am tomorrow morning. Thats when my journey begins :) I can't wait to see what's in store!
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